last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
