there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
