we were pretty classy up until the second keg
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
