I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize