what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
