Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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