i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I would fuck him just for his dog
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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