No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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