he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
