did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
