I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
