$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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