alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize