Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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