i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
