I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
