Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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