I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
