My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
