you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
