I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
