I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
