I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
