Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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