I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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