Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
