Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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