Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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