I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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