Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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