Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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