Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
