accomplished twins. life is a go
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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