You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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