I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
