Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
