I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
