I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
