As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
