well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
