I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
