Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize