proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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