I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i think i have two assholes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
