Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
