By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
