I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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