Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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