and next time when you feel me up, do it right
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
