Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
