Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
