i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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