During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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