im drinking this country out of the recession.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
