Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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