So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
