If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
