dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
