Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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