I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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