If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
