I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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