i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
