Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
