I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
