just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
