another moral hangover. fuck.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
