This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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