Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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