Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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