Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
