Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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