did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize