i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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