it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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