Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
