Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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